Like many women this season, I bought myself wonderful presents. Shopping for others was just an excuse to case the mall for perfect gifts for myself after Christmas.
Like this jacket and hat.
Merry Christmas to me.
I wore them to Susan’s for her New Year’s party. Her husband Richard took one look at me and said, “You look like a Swedish whore.”
“I hope you mean a high-priced Swedish whore,” I said. He agreed he meant high-priced indeed.
Then I wore the ensemble to work the first day back after holidays and modeled it for my manager/pal Helen, who said, “You know I was thinking that a new hat was definitely something you needed.”
That was sarcasm. I probably wear a different hat to work each day in winter. I have a bit of a winter hat fixation.
I told her what Richard said to me.
“I’m sure he meant high-priced. Everything from Sweden is very expensive and whores are no exception.”
I propped my hat on my cubicle wall and got to work. Every now and then I’d look up at it and think, Uh-oh better look busy. The big cheese is dropping by.
The big cheese is Helen’s boss. But it wasn’t. It was just my hat. The height of the hat on that padded wall and the whiteness of it was reminiscent of the big cheese himself, who is tall of stature and white of hair.
"Hi boss. Oops. I mean, nice hat!"
What a great productivity boost. Each time I looked over at my hat, my typing speed increased.
On the drive home, I kept thinking of the Swedish whore comment. Imagine the Swedish Chef saying it, “Svedish hoo-er bork, bork, bork.”
I had a thing for the Swedish Chef when I was a kid. A muppet who is dangerous in the kitchen is damn sexy.
Then I thought of IKEA. IKEA’s from Sweden.
Hey! Wait a minute! Did he mean that I look cheap and not put together?
That bastard!
nice ho. uh, i mean hat.
Guffaw. Are you going to send this to the big cheese? Note, however, that he’s really the medium cheese. You’d have to have a less furry hat to make us think the BIG cheese was looming.
OK. Is it just me, or do your “recent posts” prohibit actually clicking on any of them? As soon as I mouseover, the frikkin’ list changes. Is this some sort of Swedish ho-tease? Did you spend so much money on your ho-utfit that you had to cheap out on your WordPress theme? Can we have a photo that includes the purple shoes, Phyllis Diller wig and sheepish hat?
I swear, you are hilarious!
I’ve got to get me one of those HO hats. Outstanding!
You totally look high-priced.
And I LOVE the hat. Praytell from where did you purchase it?
This line made me fall over: “Hey! Wait a minute! Did he mean that I look cheap and not put together?” Funny stuff (except the hat – which is darling).
And thanks for commenting on my music to kick ass by post — I SO agree with what you said: “Swearing makes my soul soar.” lol – for real!!
bahahahaha! Yes, I’m LMAO…is it still acceptable to write ‘LMAO?’ Well, I am!
I think you look rather ravishing…in a Swedish ho sort of way. Better Swedish than from Sudbury, I always say.
PS: I think you rock the hat, and can definitely pull it off. Between my boots and your hats, we should open a shop. Then with our money we could buy new hats and boots! See, I’m on to something aren’t I?!!!
Wow! I think we all need to be more than a little concerned over the notion that a Muppet who is dangerous in the kitchen is sexy.
The OBGyn that delivered both of my children sounded like the Swedish chef. Believe me. It’s very off-putting to have that voice coming up from between your legs!
Love the hat, love the posts. Freaked out by the whole Muppet thing.
Hee hee!
I was already laughing but I fell over with that last line. I think that hat is what I’m missing in my life! I don’t even remember if she wore one of these but for some reason the first thought that came into my head when I saw the pic was Lara in Dr. Zhivago…did she wear a hat like that?
@Stereo and @Sharon Got the hat at Ramakko’s in Sudbury. It’s THE place to go for ho hats and the latest fishing lures (lures rhymes with whores if you say the latter with a Swedish accent)
@Helen – Methinks you have poor reflexes ‘cuz it works for me.
@Ahmed – If you’re swearing, it’s probably my bad influence.
@Sandra – I like how you think–just not about Sudbury. But Sudbury’s waaaay better than North Bay. Nah-nah-nah-poo-poo.
@Daddy – I’m grossed out you made a whore pun on your daughter’s blog.
@Karen – Do you still do ad hoc counselling. See above sentence. I’ll be calling you.
@Brandee – You lost me at between your legs.
@smothermother – Brief but bang on (bad pun, I know).
@SuziCate – Thanks for the Dr. Zhivago reference. It makes me feel high class again.
This is funny. The last bit really sets it off–
While the Swedish chef rocked, nobody beats Animal (“Want woman” is one of the greatest literary one-liners of all time). Also, IKEA is actually Sweedish for out of stock. Love the hat.
Cheers.
You crack me up.. for a “flat-pack ho” I mean… LOL
Just think: This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Ho, Ho, Ho….”
Great hat, BTW. I should get one for my wife. She’d like looking like a Not-Cheap Swedish Ho….
Oh Patti, I purchased the same ho hat at Ramakko’s last winter for ice fishing on Manitoulin!!
@Tress – Uncle John just sent me the pic. I love it! Very ho.
@Mark – Thanks for the Not-Cheap comment. Tress and I appreciate it.
@Skinny Doll – Thanks (I think)!
Im from Sweden and you look like swedish hot mom
I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t punch him in his mouth and tell him, “now you look like a man who should know when to keep his trap shut.” Very Funny, great post.