Ditch the douche bonnet

Almost everything sounds better in French. Have you noticed that?

I say “almost” because what doesn’t sound better in French is screamingly funny to me. Remember this list I put together of my favourite French words? Well, I found one more to append to my personal lexicon.

During our family trip to Montreal for my brother’s wedding a couple of weeks ago, we stayed in a hotel in the Old Port.

As I was pawing through the assortment of Lilliputian toiletries in our hotel bathroom, I saw this tiny cardboard box:

Bonnet de douche?! Tell me I'm not dreaming.

Bonnet de douche?! Tell me I’m not dreaming.

And then I laughed and laughed and popped that puppy in my case.

I’ve been mulling over applications of the term douche bonnet ever since. And no, I’m not talking about a cavity rinse here, you disgusting people.

Would a douche bonnet protect me from douchebags? Wait! Maybe a douche bonnet could be a female douchebag. I could coin a new phrase: “Don’t be such a douche bonnet, Edna”.

Or maybe it could refer to a negative state of mind. If I find myself seeing the worst in people, situations and things, I could blame my figurative douche bonnet. Wearing a douche bonnet has the opposite effect of wearing rose-coloured glasses.

A douche bonnet for your thoughts.

I could just coach myself out of self-defeating thought patterns with a special mantra, “Om…ditch the douche bonnet…om.” If nothing else, it makes me laugh.

A quick search through the internet though, confirms I’m not the originator. Far from it. Here’s the original douche bonnet. Of course, the above picture will have killed any political aspirations I may have had.

***

Disclaimer: I am unilingual and embarrassed about that. Some day, I will learn to speak French somewhat fluently by parking myself, likely in the Charlevoix region of Quebec, and torturing the locals on the ski lifts and trails and in restaurants with my terrible pronunciation and my utter lack of comprehension. Until then, I sporadically listen to Radio Canada and then switch to CBC to figure out the current events that were expliquéd in exquisite-sounding French.

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9 comments

  1. I’ve been feeling alternately migrainey and barfy all day and I laughed so hard at this that my head throbbed and I almost heaved again, but it was WORTH it! Also, I’m remembering you pronouncing the word ‘lingerie’ as linger-y, and I MISS YOU. Let’s have lunch or wear douche bonnets together or something some time soon.

  2. Oh you are medicine Patti. I needed that laugh :)
    Thank you!

  3. You wear it well babe! And you made me spew a little coffee with my giggles. Well worth the glares at Starbucks.

  4. Thanks for the laugh Patti!!!!

  5. […] I have no dignity left after that last post, I thought: What the hell? I may as well post this picture as per my sister’s Kate […]

  6. My wife/boys are francophone and at home we all simply refer to showering as taking a douche. We were spending a night in a hotel in North Caroline during a family vacation a few summers back. As we were finishing up supper at a local restaurant I said “Lets get back to the room so the boys can douche and get to bed.” My wife’s eyes grow big and she says “Think about what that MEANS HERE!” Me: “Oh yeah….” and I started laughing. God knows what the folks sitting around us thought as we trotted off back to our hotel.

  7. I am SO using the expression “douche bonnet” from now on! That is hilarious. A couple of years ago, my preteen son, my teenage daughter & I were riding in the car, and my son referred to someone as a douche. I asked him, point blank, if he even knew what that meant. Imagine his horror when his mother explained and his sister laughed and laughed. :)

  8. Patti – classic picture – clearly that yoga is paying off – I would have busted in two or have been kissed – blecch!!

  9. Thanks, Brandee! Remember the TV commercials for douches? Just typing that made me laugh. I can picture your conversation with your son. Love it!

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